Where do conflicts and resentments come from? Why is it sometimes difficult to get attention from a person we are interested in? The exact answer to this question lies in the system of values that every person has. Sometimes those values will be different from ours.

We usually can’t guess what someone expects from us as a partner. Even after spending a long time with someone, we still may not know what they want. This can cause irritation and resentment.

That idea still stands when meeting a complete stranger. You may feel that that stranger “understands you” even though you’ve only spoken for a short time.

If we want to please another person or resolve a conflict, we need to first understand what the other person expects from us. You can certainly ask the person, which is often recommended by popular psychology. This advice sometimes is not helpful, especially if you are already in a conflict. Asking the other person could cause an even bigger rift and more fighting.

What should you do then?

The BaZi birth chart analysis can give an answer to this question. Even looking at only the self-element of person and nothing else can show a lot about someone.

If you do not know what your self-element is or what your loved one’s self element is, you can find information just one click a way

Below I talk about the 10 self elements. Your self-element is determined by the day you were born on (you can use BaZi calculator here).

Yang Fire – these people are quickly “flammable” and, unfortunately, can just as quickly become bored in your company. They are impulsive people, especially when their fire is strong; meaning the first is supported by other elements in the card. Therefore, to work with such a partner, you will also have to be proactive and be clever. The ability to diversify the communication, especially when it comes to intimate aspects of life, is important.

Yin Fire – These are people with a more romantic and realistic temperament. Therefore, you should “kindle” this fire more delicately. The easily available and generally material approach will be completely out of place if your goal is to have a long-term relationship. If intimacy is established and accepted by both sides, people that are Yin fire will be very loyal and caring. These people do not spend their energy on the whole world; instead they focus on you and your total family. The most important thing to keep in mind is the non-materialistic side of the relationship.

Yang Earth – People with this element expect a rapid manifestation of romance and subtle emotion is usually not necessary. Nevertheless, there is a certain amount of sentimentality in the soul of these people; they just hide it. Therefore, it may take time and stable, predictable behavior to create intimacy with such a person. Someone with yang earth as their self element will generally tend to start a family, even if they do not feel love. These people can feel comfortable in such relationships.

Yin Earth – People of this element appreciate relationships with trust. This trust is not that hard to win. Showing stable behavior and adherence to some beliefs will be enough to interest this person. People with Yin Earth may feel sympathy and support for a person with lots of ideas, even if these ideas are not very good and honest.

Yang  Metal – These people possess an essential feature of the human element – stubbornness. If you want something, make sure that your partner takes this view as their own; otherwise they will just listen to what you say without taking it into consideration. Do not be offended when you hear harsh criticisms or tactless remarks. They don’t want to hurt you; they just consider it their duty to judge as objectively as possible, “for your own good!” Despite this, if that person considers you their friend, then your faithfulness and reliability will respond well to their qualities.

Yin Metal – people with this element lean on comfort praise. Many of them feel like the soul of artists. They want a partner and they want to look good. In their quest for comfort, they can seem a bit nerdy.

Yang Water – This element generates active, and often restless, people. Your openness and willingness to share their hiking trips and other hobbies will be received favorably. Yang Water is an element that has people who are good. Of course there are varying degrees of goodness since you have to take into account all the cards in the BaZi chart, not just one like the self element. But all in all, these people will be active and caring.

Yin Water – These are humble people that dream of romance deep down. If a romance does not happen, it can be compensated for in social activities with friends, neighbors, colleagues, family, etc. Your optimism and self-confidence will impress them because they themselves are in need of emotional support.

Yang Tree - the people of this element should be allowed to take care of you. It is important for them to be needed by someone. For this reason, we must always be alert of the possibility they may put all the work on themselves. Their romance comes with a sense of duty and it promotes responsibility towards their children.

Yin Wood – These are the mostly creative people. They sometimes feel a need to feel reliable and helpful to others in things like household or financial issues. Accordingly, it is appropriate to take the initiative and support them in this case.

The most important thing to remember now is that these are just general descriptions. The full nature of an individual is influenced by all the elements in their map. However, the things I just talked about are good starters for figuring out another person since they may deny their nature. This information can help you make adjustment to soothe the conflict or attract the attention of a person. Please use it and share your results in the comments!

PS: like everything else in BaZi, the compatibility of knowledge allows us not simply to state the fact, it helps us find the means to make corrections.